Often times we feel strong emotions course through us and we take rush decisions which in turn leads to regret. They can take control of you so much that you don’t even see the world going on around you. It could be anger, jealousy, disappointment, heart break, low self esteem and various others. There are many cases where anger,jealousy and all other emotions included could lead to severe depression and in worse cases death. All that would be said at the end would be “my emotions got the best of me”.Six (6) years of my life was spent with my emotions having the best of me and about 3 years later after I had been hit hard with the consequences,I used to wallow in self mediocrity and pity. For all those 9 years all I had yearned for was love. From those close to me or just a single person(family excluded) to have my back or talk to.
Along the line I got lucky but these same people who vowed never to leave had left me to deal with my own “demons” alone. In the end, I had chosen to embrace it and deal with it since it was after all a part of me. Trying to deal with it had created a huge dent in my trust issues and I had an extreme case of low self esteem claiming I was not good enough for every one which made them leave me to deal with every thing alone. I had become a shadow of myself, constantly looking down on myself and thinking I wasn’t worth living. I had a severe case of depression and I had even tried to commit suicide. Till I got the very thing I had been yearning for, It changed me for the better, it calmed my raging demons and I could finally breath, without the constant weight of not being worthy pressing down on me.I could finally see my worth, I had some thing to live for.
I found love,
Love conquered it all.
What is love?
Is it the wish to always see a smile on their face ?
Or perhaps, be the reason behind that smile?
Is it the wish that, no matter where you are you will still be with them despite the distance?
That no matter where you go, you will still be remembered by them?
The wish that come what may,you’d still be there for them and they for you?
The wish that you’d still be together no matter what?
The wish to always see them happy even if it means sacrificing your own happiness ?
The desire to stand by them even when everyone’s against them.
What is love?
Is it the constant thoughts of their well being before yours?
The happiness you get when you remember your happy moments with them?
The joy you get from hearing them laugh from afar?
The heartbeat when you hear or feel them near?
The feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you see them?
Is it? What is love?
I met him 2 years ago, the tall handsome boy I used to steal glances at, he made my heart beat without knowing soon it developed into a crush you had one way or the other found your way into my heart and claimed it as yours … I must be honest it wasn’t the first time I was actually feeling all giddy for a boy but; from the start you were always different I just couldn’t wrap my head around it yet-I started talking about you, thinking about you wondering if you could tell if I liked you and if you’d ever notice me.
Eventually, I came to the conclusion I’d never fit into your life cos we were worlds apart-you just couldn’t be mine. I got hurt anytime you spoke of any girl that wasn’t me ,funny. I wasn’t even yours then yet I was over protective, jealous and possessive of you
I just had to friend zone you but deep down I wish you’d kiss me when you wanted to,I could see it every time you wanted to but held yourself back for me yet sometimes I just wished you could let go and do what you wanted to do … Hugging you always felt right and was the only way i thought I could express my feelings to you- I never wanted to pull back from it and come to face the reality that I was still just a friend. The pull between us was too strong for me to ignore and in my haste I just wanted to be single to be able to fit in your life or qualify for the position of being yours but I just couldn’t and I always wondered if you’d even consider me- I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know you liked me, sometimes you made it obvious but I was still in doubts, sleep overs with you were nice but stressful .I just couldn’t sleep knowing you were right beside me yet so far away, I’d just wake up and stare at you and wonder how it’d feel if we kissed
on some occasions I could stare at your lips and wonder how they were going to feel-on days when I came out of my room and smelt you outside my whole instinct was to find you and hug you just to make me feel okay and content and my insides will flutter, then I realised this wasn’t just a crush anymore I had started to fall in love with the tall handsome boy.
Soon you became my confidant and best friend-it was always difficult listening to you talk about other girls or refer to them as pretty, it made me feel like I’d never be noticed by you or I’d never be enough and was a sore reminder of the fact that I’d never fit in your category. Almost a year ago, we both mustered enough courage to let each other know how we felt. The pull between us was so strong I wondered how we fought it for so long but here we are now- You’re my heart, my day one crush, my better half, my everyday, My Love.
Hearing you laugh from afar made me all giddy like I was falling in love with you all over again and when I hadn’t seen you for some time and I did again I was so complete knowing you were there again.
My crush, My best friend ,My love.